Sorry for being completely absent. I think I speak for the entire Team Gudeiary that life got pretty overwhelming. All of us are going through some kind of big change in our own lives, trying to get a hold of the ropes of things.
Today’s post is slightly different. It’s more of my personal self reflection but I hope anyone of you going through the same out there can find some solace in this post.
With so many things going on in my life, it almost feels like my mind has been pulled into many different directions for sometime. I felt like I was a bucket with holes, my energy leaking through. And yet, I would fill my life to the absolute brim.
One day something just kind of clicked. I can’t recall the exact moment but I think I was reading an article and I stumbled upon the word – Grace.
Learn to give yourself Grace.
The word has such a powerful but gentle energy – an action I felt I had not extended to myself in a really long time.
Grace is giving yourself permission to forgive any mistakes you have made, permission to be human, permission to live life as you see fit, and to say it’s okay if things don’t work out.
It’s a gesture of kindness.
For a period of time, I had indulged in self sabotaging and bullying behaviour towards myself; that my actions came from a place of fear. A fear of unworthiness, a feeling of lack and feeling of lost.
If you have read my previous post – Comfort Quotes by Matt Haig – you’d stumble upon this quote :
Check your emotional armour is actually protecting you, not so heavy you can’t move.
It’s like the fog have lifted, and I could suddenly objectively pull myself out of the situation and asked myself – are you being fair to yourself? Have you given yourself grace? I was simply too tired of feeling the same way.
I don’t mean a 180 degrees transformation into some Tony Robbins motivated self but just try to look at things from a neutral point of view : Are you looking at things from a lens tinted with limiting beliefs? Are you the one who’s standing in your own way?
I certainly was.
But in that moment of realisation, I felt liberated. I felt free to choose, free to feel and free to say hey nothing is for sure, but fear causes you to suffer twice – one in reality and one in your mind. And I didn’t want that anymore.
Since that moment of ephiphany, I have been actively making better choices for myself (trying at the least).
Saying no to things that serve the ego in the short term.
Saying yes to things that truly matter in life.
Saying no to avoiding difficult conversations.
Saying yes to moments of vulnerability and speaking my truth.
Saying no to harsh self talk.
Saying yes to taking time off to get myself into a better headspace.
I am still work in progress. I am still imperfect in so many ways.
But today I can feel safe in my own presence to know, hey I’ve got this.
Baby steps, love.